devinfaceee

Dear Diary,
I am so easily blinded by cute boys who know just the right words to say, and this is a story of one cute boy, a cute boy I though was so right, but he was so so so so very wrong.

I had seen him around school for a few weeks now, he was a scene-bean in the making, with his girl pants and way too tight tee's. He had curly brown hair and a charming smile. I wanted him. I wanted him bad. Well I knew a few of my friends were friends with him, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. One Friday night, a night now that I'd love to erase, I found this cute boy on myspace and sent him a friend request. I didn't expect much to happen, I was going to try to talk to him but I figured a boy that good looking wouldn't be that interested in me. A few minutes after I sent him a friend request, I had a new comment. My heart was racing, could it be him? I clicked the link, and to much of my surprise and delight, it was him. So we started talking over myspace for a few mintues, and then we took the next step, we exchanged AIM screen names.

I still didn't expect anything to hapen, maybe I'd possibly aqquire a new friend, but that was it. But that boy was a down right flirt. He knew what to say to make my heart flutter. I was falling for him so fast, I couldn't deny these butterflies. We'd only been talking since that night, but I knew he was something special. He told me that the next day he was going to the mall with some friends, and I should come hang out with him. Every thread of my being wanted too, but I had long ago made plans to drive two hours out to Gainesville to see one of my favorite bands (I'd love to be able to say it was All Time Low, but it wasn't.) So he soon said goodnight and sweet dreams and signed off, leaving me with thoughts of a hopeless romantic. The next day I reminded him that I was going out of town, and we soon exchanged numbers. We texted all the way there, during the show, and back. He hinted that he was interested in me, and I was oh so very interested in him. This went on for a few days, we'd talk constantly. we both knew we both liked each other, but he wouldn't make a move. He was also interested in two other people, which he told me, and one of the girls, who happened to be my best friends sister.

This girl had known him long before I did, and I was always concerned that she liked him and I felt horrible from the start. Well pretty soon, a love triangel began, and as you can imagine, it was rather complicated. I spent many nights upset and crying because I didn't know what to do, what his plans were, who he really wanted. Soon he noticed I was upset, and we talked. I told him how confused I was, how upset I was, I told him everything. He simply laughed and told me not to worry, that he was no longer interested in anyone else, that I was the one he wanted. His words melted my heart and warmed my tears. He was so perfect, he was my knight in shining armor, or more realisticly, he was my Alex Gaskarth.

But then things got messed up. We started moving towards a relationship, and made plans for a date type thing over the weekend. But then I got an IM. It was from the other girl. People had already been pestering me about how he only plays girls, how hes a big flirt, a big fake, but I was blinded. She told me that they had been secretly seeing each other, and he had been seeing another girl. She told me that he said he wasn't interested in me, that he just wanted to get some from me. I was so hurt, I felt so stupid.

So I didn't show up for our date the next day. He was mad, I was mad, we were all mad. I asked him what was up, he tried to justify his actions by stating that we weren't dating yet, so he can do whatever he wanted. I was pissed. We both yelled a little, we both said things we didn't mean, we both hurt each other. In the end he told me not to talk to him ever again, that I've caused so many problems, that I almost ruined his friendship with the other girl. So I blocked him and signed off. A few hours later, I found out he asked the other girl out, and they were dating, despite the fact that the other girl had told me she wanted nothing to do with him. Needless to say, I spend that night crying.

The next morning I felt horrible, I ruined a freindship, I hurt him, I hurt myself. I was so stupid. I was a fool, but a fool for him. I wrote out a long apology to him, because I had adapted his logic of "we're not dating so I can do whatever I want." Wiping away tears, I hit the "send" button. Not too long later, after I had unblocked him on AIM, he IMed me. He told me that letter was really cool of me, that he still liked me, and how much it hurt him to tell me not to talk to him. I was so stupid. He told me he was breaking up with the other girl because she's not who he sees in his dreams. I still shouldn't have been so stupid over him. But his words, oh his words. I am such a sucker for sweettalkers, I was a deer in his headlights. But I trusted him, after all the hurt he put me through, I trusted him.

So two days later we were dating. Two days later everyone hated me for going out with him after this. Two days later I was thinking that this was all so wrong, it's right.

But It wasn't. It was far from that.

Two days after he had asked me out, and I had stupidly agreed to be his girlfriend, we were talking. He was telling me about his ex's crazy friend who he got in a fight with. He started talking about how he'd rather be good friends with someone, instead of eventually breaking up and having crazy friends attack him I knew something was wrong. Then he asked me, would I rather be good friends, or date for who knows how long and then break up and never be the same? I said I don't know. He told me he'd prefer the first. So that's how it ended. He apologized maybe a million times, told me he still liked me, but he jsut wasn't ready for a real relationship right now, but when he was, I'd be the first to know. I just simply told him not to worry about it, I'm fine. That was a lie. That night happened to be Halloween, I spent my night crying. Crying because I lost him so quickly, crying because I knew all along this would happen, crying because there were so many people who were going to be telling me "I told you so", crying because I was so damn stupid.

He was so full of it. Everything he said to me was a flat out lie. Five days after he broke up with me, he was back with that other girl. That was about two weeks ago, they're still together. Frankly, I'm surprised. Everyone gives her crap about their relationship, constantly. Everyone hates him, for what he did to me, what he did to her, and what he's doing to her now. And everyone hates her too, for not listening, for being a bitch to everyone who's trying to protect her. She won't listen, just like I hadn't. I spend nights laughing at myself, laughing at how stupid I had been. I spend nights laughing at her, she has been such a hypocrit, she "talked to him and trusted him" just like I had, at which she had originally laughed at. I spend nights laughing at him, how stupid he is, how he's going to get AID's one day, how one day he'll end up in my shoes in a relationship like this. He tries to talk to me sometimes, but I don't bother, he'll still call me cute, but I don't want anything to do with him.

I must admit, it does hurt when I see them together, he was a sweet boy, he knew all the right things to do, but in the end it wasn't worth any bit of it. I'd eagerly erase all of those moments when I thought this was right, just to avoid the drama, just to stop all the hate, just to avoid this stupid love triangle. But I did learn things from this mess. I learned that you shouldn't trust a sweet smile so eagerly, you shouldn't throw out second chances to just everyone, you should listen to those who know you best, you shouldn't just disregard all the advice and warnings you are given. This all took place in the course of just about one month, and in that one month, I learned who I can trust, and who my real friends. I guess in the end, that's what made that mess so wrong that it was right.

x.

(I do apologize for the great length of this.)